Being a perfectionist is tiring, stop it.

Right haha, I hope I have a lot of perfectionists reading because I’ve been one my whole life and up until probably just over a year ago I didn’t really understand why I was or what it meant. I had a sense of pride for it because I feel like the western world conditions you from a young age that being a perfectionist is a positive attribute.

It means that we care so much about the work we create? Hold tight, I’m going to tell you that when we unpack the routed desire for ‘perfection’ I believe it’s basically saying that we are not okay with just being us, everyday us and being our full selves, and that we don’t think that’s enough to be rewarded.

The true reason behind perfectionism

For anyone reading this, thinking ‘I know being a perfectionist isn’t a way to identify ourselves and it’s just a way I work’ but what we’re doing in that moment, when we call ourselves one and onboard that belief. Unless we can be the best or the best version of ourselves, we are saying that we are not worthy of sharing, of being in our business, celebrating ‘success’ or just creating other than at a ‘perfect’ standard.

I promise you when we unpack this it’s just an insecurity of the fear of failure, fear of judgement or sometimes the fear of success. Fear that without perfection we will lose and therefore not be worthy of love and belonging - ultimately. 

From personal experience of battling it myself and experience with my mentor and mentoring my clients, I think it’s commonly more apparent in high achievers. It can reflect that we may have naturally been high achievers our entire life through whatever narrative and then have this embedded belief and comfort in the expectation of being ‘perfect’ or of those around us growing up being fed ‘if you try harder you’ll win’. 

From a trauma as a child or expectation we were once fed growing up by someone we admired or the deep rooted belief that we were never enough as kids and we are always fighting for the approval or a certain standard for another. A lot of this can lives in our subconscious so not even in our everyday conscious mind and the hard bit around it is facing it. But I promise, when we do face it it’s liberating and peaceful. It stops that draining drive for a sense of particular controlled validation. 

The misconception of ‘being perfect’ and acceptance in society

When we break down the human being all we really want to be is seen, safe and loved. We are in the human experience, I believe for connection, purpose, safety and to give love and receive love. When we put ourselves out there in vulnerable positions like our own businesses or our own brands specifically we can feel more fear and judgement because it’s not someone else’s, it’s our own. 

It can lead to the thought process that if we’re not perfect we won’t be accepted. Or that there is this complex illusion like we only get one chance and have no room for error or change. But I promise you this is all an illusion guys.

But don’t worry, there is a way out of this…

If you are still reading because you are connected to everything I’m saying, and you are thinking ‘shit she’s kind of called me out’. Firstly, don’t worry, I’ve been there too. But what I want you to know is that you can move past it and I work with my clients on this all the time. 

As soon as we have the ability to surrender and look inward at ourself to where this possibly comes from for us and work on releasing it, it stops the function of procrastination or overthinking that normally comes hand in hand too. The wait for the perfect time, with the perfect scenario, to be able to have more control over the outcome and our daily tasks. 

Because actually the true art of having control is knowing you’ll never have it. 

If you can honour and release this need. I would say to you wanting to set a new benchmark is to connect back to your heart energy so you have to ignore the mind going into overdrive and coming up with whatever reason for doubt from everything we have been told, shown or believe previously and listen to. 

What is important to you? What do you care about? What is it in your business, in your product, in your beliefs in your brand that you truly care about? 

Because if you have a need for perfectionism, it shows a deep rooted care for whatever you are doing whatever that is, who you are and what you are. So from that place, disconnect from the ‘how’, ‘outcome’ and setbacks and write or create from that inspiration. 

Don’t overthink, stay in that energy of belief, curiosity and authenticity. Of who you are and what you believe in, and post or create or make a decision today.

The key is to show up even if we know we don’t have everything figured out perfectly

You can’t really get to gold without knowing what it's like to be bronze or silver first. It’s also ok to aim for gold but the key is to still show up even when we doubt the win. It’s understanding why our passion and deep rooted love for the sport and outcome drives us, and not the validation or security we are craving to be more accepted and loved. 

I believe this western society has deemed success on an all or nothing basis but I promise you that is not good for the mind. It can lead to guilt, shame and anxiety quickly. If you’re not brave enough for the possibility of bronze and silver, you have to remember that the first video you make isn’t your most perfect version of what you know it could be. 

Or you refrain from starting because of everyone else in your comparable field. You need to dig deep and connect back to yourself and do the work I described above. And sometimes you need to do that twice. This will allow you to disconnect from the noise, disconnect from the need or temptation to compare. Allowing you to move forward in what you truly care about, your true voice.

I promise you that’s how the brands win! How the large companies withstand economic or political change. It’s the deep rooted understanding of why they show up, who they care for and what’s important about their service or product. 

Constantly with every moment of growth or hardship, regaining clarity and understanding why and how we are moving forward. Your ‘why’ doesn’t have to be overly complicated, it comes from you. Like what I described above, ironically perfectionism can overcomplicate it. 

I hope that helps you guys. Be brave enough to take action and to be vulnerable enough to start, I bet you’ll be shocked of what you can achieve without waiting for ‘perfect’. 

Love always,

Laura.