What does freedom look like for you?

As I sit here from a coffee shop in Istanbul I sit in reflection on what I can share to help others understand and feel more connected to who they are and what they actually want for that ‘freedom feeling’ that you are searching for? 

Well all I can think of is to tell you my personal journey and what I have learnt the hard way around that question.

I honestly believe the macro may answer with a lot of things above which I guess was always a lot of mine. However a year ago my life changed in every aspect and my understanding of its meaning. It started as; “This is it now. I'm ready to be happy and rich in every aspect.” Very common thoughts throughout my 20’s but what I discovered this time changed the entire narrative.  

I didn’t grow up around tons of financial wealth in terms of mindset, with vivid memories of a lot of fear around money and we “couldn’t afford this and that”. We were always provided for, but with strong identities that we were ‘normal’, limited and ‘were not rich’. Yet ever since I was a young child, I always challenged  “If that man can have it all so can I, and we are all born the same right? If they can learn to be anything so can I?” But who was I to know better at 10 years old.

The beginning of my journey

Fast forward and at 21 I embarked on a journey to Canada to pursue my performing dreams after studying extensively with the impatient, young energy “THIS IS IT!” I loved performing and entertaining others, and in my mind I was 100% sure this was the route to financial freedom - making it big and being on Strictly Come Dancing. However, whilst performing in Canada, I quickly realised the more you move up the ladder the more you are sexualised and objectified in the entertainment industry.

Maybe in fact this was the case all around the ladder, but for me the higher up the food chain the worse it was getting from men. The masculine inside of me grew thick due to my inner child feeling super threatened and vulnerable. “This surely isn’t how it works, this wasn’t my plan? The more I work and the more success I gain, the more power and control I gain?” I learnt very quickly after some time in Vegas performing as a showgirl, this wasn’t the case and it surely felt like a man's world from my experience, particularly in this industry. Unfortunately, or in reflection somewhat fortunately, I returned to the UK feeling confused and unhappy, back to the drawing board in search for that route of fulfilment and financial freedom.

How feeling lost can drive you to abuse your privileges

That triggered a pattern in my twenties that weaved and engrained fully in all my relationships in every aspect of my life.  I thought I needed to protect my feminine traits like trust, vulnerability, courage, nurture, softness to ‘not lead men on’ and to feel safe and ‘in control.’ Because my experiences lead me to believe that with my feminine energy led by my taught experiences, I wasn’t safe or going to gain the power, leading to freedom and being financially rich that I once thought.

Later in life I started understanding the concept of ‘privileges’. It made me see clarity that with white, skinny, and pretty privilege it was a game of harassment and opportunities. Being sexually assaulted by men in clubs, knowing if I wore a certain outfit I’d have to walk a different route or be expected to experience certain behaviour was the trade for the benefits of everything my privileges gave me. These privileges get you the queue jump, free drinks, people from around the entire world instantly like you and trust you with a sense of worthiness being white and holding these privileges. The privileges that are invisible and placed on us by the system (which is a massive topic that you can read a little more about in my previous blog). 

So I started sexualising myself subconsciously trying to gain power in the expectation, allowing me at the time to feel more in control. Tight clothing and red lipstick when you know you need to win a date, job or deal. There's never any judgement either and actually you are profiled with privilege immediately because humans like ‘white female pretty’ that is deemed desirable. This is especially exploited today on social platforms more than ever but as a side note. Isn’t this truly sad because in that split second I believe what we are actually doing is trying to attract or to climb that ladder of approval engrained by what has been taught to us through hundreds of years of forming a societal hierarchy?

The next step: Starting my own business

With my toxic masculinity taking the outward lead at 23 I started a property company because I thought “THIS IS IT” my route to being in control, truly validated and seen for my intellect. This is my way to become financially free and the ego win of a property empire business. I thought that that will then allow me to produce my own theatre show and star in it myself! Finally proving “if that man can have it, so can I”. So I started this business with another beautiful young woman who is now a best friend of mine, and owning every previous privilege mentioned before.

We started this journey in 2014 through to 2020. Yes, you guessed it, this fully embedded my life’s experience, expectations and predictions. In hindsight I would say 80% of our contracts were with men and we managed 60 tenants. There were no women working for us in our construction or maintenance (other than cleaners) and it’s only when I reflect I see it so prominent even now. It was just how the world presented and from our previous learnt behaviour we got on with it and in turn I guess validated it. I'm sharing this because I don’t want you to have to ‘go round the houses’ on this life journey. I want to encourage you to just hold on because it all starts to make sense which is where I hope to start bringing clarity so you can fully figure this out!

The business turmoil that changed everything

My story continues and we’re now in 2019 and my business partner is pregnant and she no longer wants to pursue the business after the baby is born. My ego hits the roof, “who was I without the ‘business owner’ title that was my validation and route to money, happiness and freedom?” Just “go alone” you say? Well the problem was as you can all guess that wasn’t really what my soul desired and I was starting to slowly start listening to that heart over head voice. In the mix, in early 2018 I picked up a pro camera and started taking pictures and shooting to empower women, and travelling with it. I totally loved it and earned no money at the beginning. At this point, I realised in the property company I used to ‘go to work’, that I really started to not enjoy it at all. The option was to just work for someone else and have less headache and more personal gain really?

This wasn’t the version of ‘This is it’ that I had imagined. I knew running and building that business wasn’t for me. For the first time in my truly older life, the woman who was starting to learn and listen, challenging what had led me to toxic experiences to define my existence and actions, was not serving this route to being happy and rich. Along with a very strong sense of feeling, very annoyed that for 4 years I had worked most hours, most days and still wasn’t rich, fulfilled and feeling that ‘financial freedom and intelligent validation’ to pursue everything else I dreamed of. So we decided to package and sell the company and long story short - we had finalised a buyer after 6 months of auditing and then we fell in a pandemic at the beginning of 2020 and they pulled out.

The journey of finally finding myself and my purpose

So this almost brings us up to today. Almost. A year ago I enrolled with a mentor I truly trusted with the intentions of “THIS IS IT!”. Well it truly was, in that time with a lot of vulnerability facing my ego, unpacking a lot of trauma and learnt old beliefs, my mentor helped me see my true self and gifts. Understanding this fully I then understood how I could exchange them for the level of wealth I then recognised I deserved through understanding myself and what I had to offer was ‘IT’! My old business and myself agreed our time was more valuable and taking a hit on the maximum financial gain and ceasing the company was the best decision. Throughout this stillness I realised I had over thought this whole process. I had been weaved so much into societal expectations with such lack of self love, alignment to my wants and needs reflected by my very younger self, traumas that were based around the thoughts and validation of others and what the outward world had taught me. Understanding this, is what set me free.

So here we are today just over a year from starting that journey. Thank you so much if you have stuck with me to this point! What I can tell and share with you, is what I know is truly everything you need to find your happiness and what you truly want in your life - it is all within you. It’s so annoying to hear, I get it. I know it all sounds so simple and the majority of us have been conditioned from birth to follow processes, tick lists, fit in boxes, do a degree or settle with no compromise on your required needs for a lot of the answers to security, happiness and validation. This was what distracted me my entire life, and in my experience it isn’t the route to finding fulfilment.

Neither was a way to what freedom feels like for you all the time. So starting back at that question at the top, what does freedom feel like for you? If you had asked me that over a year ago I would have probably written down most of the aforementioned answers too for the majority of my life. Yet now I recognise for myself and maybe you’ll resonate too if those common answers are yours too. Question yourself truly - are these answers from a place of societal pressures, expectations, and from a place of fear? The fear of actually not getting all of those things one day? Or even possibly the routes you imagine lead to happiness but from a lack of self belief, and sometimes an over protected ego that's designed to keep us safe and small?

Becoming financially abundant and finding happiness through my true passions

As my 32 year old self today I am still working towards a lot of those things that I wrote in my answer but it comes from a different place today. Recognising and working from my inner self and from my gifts, I am personally the most financially wealthy that I have ever been as well as the most fulfilled in just this snapshot moment. So I want to share with you the biggest learning around wealth that I have experienced. Wealth and happiness come from just being me everyday in the work that I do, and it’s what I would challenge for you if this journey resonates?

Working from your passions is what in turn makes you the most fulfilled, serving your true interests and passions. And from my experience, it’s through that authenticity and passion that a flow of financial wealth comes easy. Understanding yourself, your self value and work is such a place of calmness, control and aligning. Vibrating from that place truly feels like a feeling of being loved everyday, being rich and financially abundant even when we are striving for more. Waiting or looking for it in tomorrow is like a high you’ll never chase, it comes from your present. It can take time to find but for sure it comes from feeling connected to your identity, and showing up as that person working through your passions, beliefs and morals mixed with a lot of self love.  

This looks different for all of us but for me today I have enough money to buy a flight anywhere in the world, working from my laptop and serving my clients. Enough to support my family or friends and nothing around my working pattern limits that. Later I’ll have a lovely dinner and maybe a massage, all with my favourite person: me! Ask yourself how different today would look if you had a million in the bank, if that is your desired wish? Do you actually want that, or do you want it to buy things you might want in the future because that's fear, ‘today’ and ask yourself that again? What do you need today for your sense of freedom, happiness and fulfillment? Start there.

Looking towards the future

Moving forward for me there are so many things I am dreaming of and are manifesting. From this aligned feeling to myself with a deep rooted connection to my soul’s desires is where it gets easier to be patient and stop rushing and where ‘freedom’ truly sits. The feeling that I’m enough and abundant everyday and worthy of true happiness (don’t get me wrong this is a process and some days are harder than others). This now comes from a place of ‘knowing’ and not ‘fear’ that my husband, family, the stadiums I want to fill to reach more women and that dream house (I say currently living at my parents) already exist. I’m just not in it today and he’s just not around today and I’m pretty busy mentoring incredible Women because that’s how I create my financial wealth.

By teaching you to do this too and how you can! I’m feeling so grateful for what I have and the freedom to do it, so win win! By practicing and sitting in gratitude daily and being brave to ‘trust in the process’ is where it starts to align, I promise you! Knowing the biggest failure is the societal temptation to compare to others’ journeys and actually realising that as soon as your life is ready for your dreams, they’ll appear and you will know that “THIS IS IT!” ♥️

I believe the key to learning your happiness and fulfilment is not by allowing what the world and the people in it tell you you are or want. You have to do it yourself.